I didn’t make up
the word “unoffendableness.” I first
read the word in a staff meeting at Bethel Life Center many years ago. Our youth pastor asked if he could lead a
team-building exercise. Each one of us
were handed a 3x5 notecard and were asked to write our name on the top. Then,
we passed the cards to the person on our left. With each card, we were to write
a positive word, statement or phrase that, in your opinion, best described that
person. When the circle was complete,
each received their card back with a list of people’s best thoughts about
you. It really was a great exercise. I
still have that card.
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My friend Mark
(the youth pastor) wrote on my card. “I
appreciate your ‘unoffendableness.’” He
chuckled as I slowly tried to pronounce the syllables out loud.
I asked him why he
thought that I was unoffendable? He went
on to explain that as a music minister, he had watched me deal with cranky
musicians, difficult sound guys, take open criticism for song choices (even
having received a few racial slurs about some of my choices), staged large
Easter and Christmas productions, worked long hours…and nothing seemed to phase
me. He stated, “You get along with
everybody and you never get rattled.”
I don’t relay this
encounter for any reason except to say, Mark was right. I cannot remember the last time I was
offended. I attribute some of that to my
dad’s influence. You could spit in my
dad’s face and he’d take you for coffee to talk about it 5 minutes later. Maybe some of it came from childhood pastor,
J.P. McCamey. Talk about a man smooth
under pressure. He is always smiling,
always believing the best in everybody, no matter what they’ve done or where
they’ve been. I’m also quite sure I
learned much under Kenneth Woods, the first pastor I ever worked for. If he was ever upset or irritated about
something, you could never tell. If
there was ever any problems within the church, no one knew, even his own staff
members. Again, smooth leadership, even
when it was tough.
I honestly cannot
think of one person on this planet that I would not go up to and hug and wish
them God’s best if I saw them on the street today, regardless of what our past
may look like. Why? I’m
not offended. I’m not ashamed. I’m free.
I’ve always been
the type of person that would rather apologize to save the relationship, even
if I had nothing to apologize for. (Yes,
I’ve had plenty of missteps for which I needed
to apologize…and have done so.) I’ve
stood in the pulpit on many occasions teaching on forgiveness and proclaimed,
“I cannot be offended.” That statement
always brings a chuckle from the crowd…and some have taken that statement as a
personal challenge to prove me wrong.
They lost every time.
Here’s why I share
this particular blessing in my life.
The Apostle Paul
wrote in Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one falls short of the
grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile
many.”
We fall short of
the grace of God in our own lives when we refuse to offer the same grace to
others. But the second part of this
verse is the most disturbing to me: “…no bitter root grows up to cause trouble
and defile many.”
Who are the “many”
who would be defiled?
1.
You. If we choose not to
participate in the grace of God toward others, then we undermine the grace of
God in our own lives. We cannot fully
understand what an incredible gift His grace is until we actually pass that
gift on to others in need of it.
2.
The one trying to offend you.
Wounded people…wound people. Yes,
offense is always available, but remember, you may be the one true
representation of Christ that wounded person may see. Would Jesus react with anger, bitterness or offense? No.
Then why should you? He may be
setting you up to be the healing agent in their lives. It doesn’t get any better than that!
3.
Your family.
Please never forget that your family is watching. Your spouse will
thrive and stay well-guarded if you maintain your own innocence. If you choose
the path of offense, a root of bitterness will eventually creep into the ones
you love the most. Be very careful of
“borrowed offenses.”
Rick Renner posted
this morning: “You can’t be offended without your own consent.” Remember, offense is your choice. Every offense that you hold onto from the
past is like a weight. With each new offense, more weight is added until it
becomes very difficult for you to move forward with joy in any area of life. The cycle has to stop and with God’s help,
you’re the only one who can decide you’ve had enough. Offense is a prison sentence. Offense produces a sick heart and leads to
poor physical health. Heed Jesus’
warnings to forgive so that you can be forgiven.
Allow me to
clarify one thing. I have never said
that I haven’t been disappointed or let down by others from time to time. That’s part of life. However, each of us own the choice to hold on
to those disappointments until they fester into a cancer on the soul.
Not long ago I was
pointing out a very “disappointing” comment made to me in a meeting. One defender of the comment said, “Well, you
obviously took offense to that.” I
stopped him quickly and said, “No, I wasn’t offended and I’m still not. However, the statement was wrong, ill-advised
and I want you to know that I won’t stand for it.”
Was I
offended? Absolutely not. Did I forgive that person, even though an
apology was never offered? Absolutely,
almost immediately. Was I providing a necessary boundary around someone else’s
choices so they clearly knew where I stood?
Yes…and that’s a very healthy, empowering thing to do.
Wounded people
tend to rehearse the offenses of the past and live only to survive. Thriving has almost become impossible because
all the offended see is how they’ve been hurt. We should empathize and pray for
them, but never dwell there with them, borrowing their offenses and making them
our own.
You’re not called
to be a doormat…you’re called to overcome.
Overcome the enemy by never allowing offense to produce a bitter root
that will choke out God’s peace and separate you from others. (It’s also very fun to win with people, even
if they don’t want to be won.)
Thanks for that
card, Mark. I still have it. It was a game-changer.