My Story. Verse 1
I’ve been contemplating the idea of writing down my story
for a long time. I’m more stirred toward
that end since my parents both passed away in late 2016. They had a story to tell. Their lives were an
incredible journey of faith, love, endurance and accomplishment. I’d like to think my life has been that as
well so far. Maybe that’s not for me to
judge, but for others. I do know that I
want my boys to know more about their parent’s journey. It’s certainly interesting, exciting, scary
and fulfilling. One’s story is all they
really have. Our stories of love, of
faith, of perseverance, pain, suffering and recovery can help others. Our stories are interconnected in such
wonderful ways. I’m an important part of
somebody else’s story…and so many others are certainly part of mine.
I’m also keenly aware that for me, writing is therapeutic,
healing and restorative. There’s
something about “getting it out” so it can be read, remembered, processed…and
again, possibly help someone else along the way. It sure helps me to write
it. It’s certainly therapeutic.
There’s also a delicate tightrope to walk, in that we must
know when it’s too soon to share parts of our story. Will someone not receive it well? Will it stir unwanted reminders of wounds not
quite yet healed? I’m asking God for
guidance.
Six years ago, my story, our story, took an unexpected
turn. One of great loss, anger, regret,
betrayal…but also one of great growth and insight. We simply don’t get the good without the
bad. It’s all part of the recipe.
On May 5, 2013 I resigned my long-held position as Sr.
Pastor of Believers Tabernacle in Wichita, KS.
At the time, it was the worst day of my life. Humiliating, devastating…but I would later experience
a couple of worse days at the passing of my mom, then my dad just seven weeks
later. It’s all perspective.
I didn’t want to resign. It wasn’t my idea. I was told I
needed to by my superiors. I understood.
It’s what I signed up for. It took a while to get to that decision and with
such decisions comes great emotion, confusion and of course, incredible
loss. With that one decision, hundreds
and hundreds of relationships built over a 12 year period would be cut off
immediately with no opportunity for explanation, context or clarification. No
closure. Just a tearful confession of my
shortcomings as a leader, a heart-felt apology, and a quick “good-bye.”
I’ll address my “shortcomings” later, but for now I will
simply say that I did fail. I have never had a problem admitting that part of
the story. Actually, I failed from the
first day I became pastor of then Hillside Assembly in 2001. Policies, procedures, practices were put in
place from the very first board meeting, with full board support, but mistakes
nonetheless. Intentional? No, never…by me or those precious board members. Actually, some great, godly people trying to
bless their young pastor who had taken a great risk and followed God’s voice to
lead them after five candidates before turned them down. (That bit of
information wasn’t revealed until a few months after we settled in.)
Arriving at Hillside Assembly of God in August of 2001 was
quite a journey in itself. I had spent
eight wonderful years as the Music Pastor of Bethel Life Center in Wichita
under the leadership of Kenneth Woods.
What a risk he took on me. I was
a 26 year old, newly married kid who had never directed a choir or waved a
baton in front of an orchestra. I had led very little worship leading
experience. However, I knew what sounded
good. I was born to do it. My training in opera, in theater and singing on
national television with Oral Roberts University’s television ministry had
given me great experience and confidence.
But I was green…really green.
Polly and I had relocated to Wichita after six months of
marriage for her to work in the Wichita office of SRS (now DCF) as a social
work case manager. I was traveling in
concert ministry sporadically and working as a siding installer during the week
days for a godly man named LaVern Becker.
On Easter of 1992, we were looking for a home church. My brother and his family had visited Bethel
a few times and suggested we check it out. We met my parents there as
well. I’ll never forget walking up the
stairs to the church and being greeted by Eldon McClemore. He was the most congenial, sweet individual
who grabbed our arms and led into the church’s gym/sanctuary and sat us in the
few remaining seats left in the building (along the back wall underneath the
coat rack. Hangars kept hitting my head the
entire service.) I was actually quite
disappointed to be handed a program telling us that today’s service was not
actually a service, but the music ministry’s rendition of some Easter musical,
with full orchestra, drama, choir, costumes…all of it. Again, my slightly judgmental attitude was
critical…as I thought to myself, “This is great. I don’t get to experience the
worship, don’t get to hear the preacher preach.
And…let’s face it, every church in America thinks they know how to pull
off an Easter cantata. This is about to get lame!”
As the orchestra tuned and the lights came up…I was actually
blown away at how good the choir sounded, the orchestra was rich and the drama
held my attention thoroughly. At the end
of the service, I purposefully sought out the Music Minister to congratulate
him and tell him how impressed I was with the program (not that he needed it
from some stranger like me).
It was this particular day that my dad really showed his
true colors as salesman, pitch man, etc.
Without my knowledge, he had brought into the service two of my CD’s and
two promotional packets that I used to solicit ministry opportunities with
pastors and ministry leaders. He handed
one to the Music Minister and handed one to Pastor Kenneth Woods. He put on his best pitch…making them aware of
my experiences, talents and desire to come and hold a service at Bethel at some
point. Wow…was I embarrassed and put off! While God had certainly blessed me with some
uncommon opportunities to that point, I was always terrible at promoting
myself. It was simply never in my DNA.
Not out of false humility…but out of awkwardness and the feeling that so
many others were better than me in this arena.
What I didn’t know at the time, was that six weeks later at
8 AM on a Saturday morning, Kenneth Woods would ring my phone and wake me up
asking me to meet him at McDonalds for breakfast. We sat there for 3 hours. He was interviewing me and I didn’t know
it. I thought I might get a ministry
date from the meeting…but the ministry opportunity would later come in an offer
to become his full-time Music Pastor. It
turned out to be an incredible eight year run, growing, learning and sharpening
a new-found calling that God was stirring in my heart. I was called to be a pastor.
More later…